The Eleanorian

Sarah Pales in Comparison to Hillary

 

Could you ever replace Hillary with Sarah in this photo? I think even your Photoshop software would break. I'm sorry, Sarah P is no Hillary Clinton, to quote another journalist who thought of it ahead of me.

My main question is: what would Clarence Darrow have thought of her? No, he would have been flabbergasted that she wants to teach Evolution alongside with Creationism. Or that she is for Capital Punishment, which he thought was cruel and barbaric.

In this blog, I wanted to write that Senator McCain, lately, reminds me of a burn victim I once knew; but that would be cruel, and God forbid I say something--Karma is a boomerang--I don't want to burn myself. In any case, he resembles an alien and she looks like a friggen Playboy bunny.

Simply because she is female and a politician, it does not make her a Hillary. She is pro-life, pro-Creationism, a member of the NRA--need I say more? She is the female's younger version of Charlton Heston, may he rest in peace.

I'm not upset that she has a pregnant daughter--I'm actually relieved. We need more white trashettes in the White House. It has too long been the Harvard and Yale club for men and women. We need a few county college grads to run Penn Ave in DC.

As other journalists have said, Sarah P is to women what Clarence Thomas is to black people--she sets us back thousands of years.

And I've got to admit--Obama's speech, while it did not bring tears to my eyes--I certainly found it wonderful and loved his line about Osama in a cave.

The bottom line: gas prices are up, people are out of work, the rich are getting richer, and Sarah is making McCain look paler. This is a good thing. We actually don't want him elected. Keep it up Sarah--your boomerang PR campaign is good karma for us anti-Bushites.

Woody's new movie

Vicky Cristina Barcelona starts out slow and gets progressively better. As other film critics have stated, when the egocentric director leaves us to his characters, they are immensely more interesting than his self-indulgent ramblings. Penelope Cruz is particularly wonderful as the Spanish primadonna in the film--and wields a gun better than most macho members of the NRA. Be patient--you need to let the dumb narrator say his words and then the plots unfold nicely. If you're currently stuck in the suburbs, like I am, then it's a wonderful feeling to know that one theater in your entire county is playing this film.

"Jagged Edge" and "The Counterfeiters"

I finally saw Jagged Edge, that movie where Jeff Bridges murders his wife. Gee, I'm sorry if I spoiled that for you. And Glenn Close, whose beauty I've never quite understood--she has an inexplicable face--is the lawyer he romances. They all have nice hair, which is always blow dried. Actually, in the movie, Glenn Close is the only one whose hair is allowed to blow in the wind. Needless to say, this is a good flick for a Saturday afternoon if you're in a grumpy mood. Read this review after you've seen the movie.

The Counterfeiters is a much better film, although it is quite different than Jagged Edge. The Counterfeiters is about a Jewish counterfeiter and his yid colleagues in a concentration camp; the Nazis use them to make counterfeit British pounds and US dollars. It's always a good reminder to see how nasty the Germans were during World War II; how their organized racism and despotic killing methods were more frightening than any fights I've seen in my house. Worth renting from Netfix.

Osama, Queen Emma and Tom Hanks

I loved Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in the film Charlie Wilson’s War, where Congressman Wilson lobbies for Congressional dollars for the covert funding of the Afghanistan war against the Soviet invasion. This was pre-Taliban and pre-Obama nightmare. Well, the Talibanites and Obamaites were probably there—but we felt our mission was more or less to remove the commie infiltrators, which we/they did eventually. But of course now, post 9/11, we are dealing with the ramifications of having extremists and fundamentalists who had and continue to utilize American equipment and training. These are the same people who killed thousands of Americans. In addition, many of the 9/11 terrorists, who were helping the Afghans fight the commie invasion, were Saudis and Egyptians. For more on this, I suggest you read Lawrence Wright’s evocative and page-turning book—The Looming Tower: Al-Quada and the Road to 9/11—a brilliant evolution of what led to the growth of these insidious fanatics. Mr. Wright’s book also won the Pulitzer Prize in 2006. But alas, if terrorists are too off the page for you, I suggest you see the new Brideshead Revisited—it’s a bit long, and the homoerotic aspects of the movie are skimpy. However, Emma Thompson’s performance is as marvelously bitchy as Julia Roberts is in Charlie Wilson’s War. With Emma as the Catholic matriarch of the family, you felt as if you were watching Queen Elizabeth worship the Pope while sacrificing her family.

Review of "The Dark Knight"

The Dark Knight was brilliantly longish. I loved the scars on Heath Ledger’s made-up face. Aaron Eckhardt’s performance as the duplicitous district attorney was also delicious. This movie is like a long amusement park ride.

Although it is rumored that Christian Bale beat his real-life sisters and momma, he is still suave and inarticulate as Batman. A worthy movie for ten bucks. I even dreamt last night about Heath Ledger and his degrading role as the psychopath Joker.

A McCain Cartoon

I told y'all I was not a McCain fan either. I know he's got some progressive tendencies, but I think it was also the Nazis who began the anti-smoking campaigns in the twentieth century. Nonetheless, I am not comparing McCain to Nazis, and I do like his elderly man demeanor. However, I am appalled by his war efforts. Hope you like the above cartoon. And for the record, I agree with Bob Herbert of the NY Times that McCain is definitely trying to make Obama look un-American. But then again, it is frequently difficult to discern exactly what Obama's viewpoints are.

Obama Cartoon

I am not a fan or anti-fan of Obama. I'm trying to stay neutral on the election--my heart was really with Hillary. I'm not a McCain fan either and I probably tend to favor neither one. However, if I were asked who I'd elect for president, it would be my dog Virginia Woolf. Please write in Eleanor's dog Virginia Woolf as a presidential candidate. It's true, she does not speak English, but I'm afraid that it is difficult to comprehend much of the English that is currently spoken by both candidates. See below Obama. I promise--the next cartoon will be of McCain:

NJ's highways are not Virginia's

That's right folks. Riding the Jersey Turnpike or the Garden State Parkway, particularly in Northern Jersey, is like breathing in large molecules the size of mac trucks. It is not like riding the meadows or near the mountains of Virginia. Alligators prowl in the shape of Volvos. You fill in the blanks, I'll skip the tolls.

Leaving Roanoke for Jersey

Yes, y'all, I'm leaving my Southern culture for my blue collar roots in Jersey. Diners here I come. Gas pumpers who pump yer gas, dude. No more of this standing in 100 degree weather and smelling fumes. I will find redemption in Joisey. In the meantime, my Roanoke apartment is available asap. It's $450 a month and has wooden floors and brick exposure with a lovely porch overlooking a garden of eden--I kid thee not. You will not find this in Jersey. If interested, please view it on www.lamedigs.com

Have not been feeling well...

Have had this cough in my chest that sounds melodic when I walk up stairs. I got these anti-mucous pills--generic ones from CVS--and they seem to be getting rid of the problem. My doctor believes this is a virus that needs to go away on its own. But it's been using my bod as hotel for a month now. I mean it was there for three weeks and liked the Levine anatomy so much it returned just this week as the weather went schizophrenic. Happy April.